This is 41

This Is 41. I am at the beach. Life is good. Really good actually.

When I was a little kid, my birthday always felt magical because it was such a big fuss. If you know me, you know I am recovering from a *slightly spoiled childhood. Exhibit A: I had my 6th birthday party with pony rides and a mini-carnival in the backyard. Other years my parents took a car full of girls to an amusement park for the day after a sleepover party the night before. I once had a Hanson (Taylor to be exact) themed birthday cake. There was also a Luau-themed party at a fire hall.

When I was a young adult I always wanted something special for my birthday. A certain purse. Some specific necklace at a store. A watch. I don’t remember all the details. Looking back on those birthdays, I feel grateful that so many people celebrated me and treated me like a princess. I still think birthdays are special, but not because of gifts. I don’t want anything really. Ok, I just want a modest condo at the beach. A tiny one. Any one really! Seriously, though, gifts are silly and I don’t want anything that will end up in a landfill one day.

I just want to spend time with my people. At the center of us all is my Will. He’s actually all of our Will. He is the incredible force that brings our blended and extended family together. He makes us all laugh and makes us all love. I can’t imagine a birthday without him. He is my son, but he belongs to us all, and to the world. He is my birthday magic every day.

My birthday wish is always the same. I want to schedule our annual vacation so I am AT the beach on my birthday. So far, it’s worked out. This year I woke up to Will giving me a birthday hug and telling me that HE is my present. He and Beau made me an iced coffee and it was super cute watching him try to hand me the mug all by himself. My husband is a saint because he let me sleep in today and every day on vacation. He’s been up before the sun with Will climbing all over him. I do not know a better man.

I loved watching Will and Caroline on the beach. I brought 2 books with me and I am not upset at all that I didn’t read either of them. Instead, I dug for sand crabs, collected broken sea shells and chased Will into the water. I know one day he will stop asking to hold my hand when a big wave comes. He will tell me I am embarrassing and then ask me for money to go buy snacks. I guess then I will have plenty of time read my books on the beach.

For now, he’s loving every single second of vacation and he wants to share it all with me. The kid loves the water more than anything and it’s so much fun to watch him splash around in the pool and pretend to be a shark, using his hand on his head as a fin. We are all exhausted from the sun and would gladly take an afternoon nap. Not Will. I’ve realized he doesn’t “take” a nap. A nap takes him. Several days around 4:30-5, just before dinner we found him passed out (for 3-4 hours!!) while sitting upright on the sofa. He didn’t want to close his eyes and miss anything! I get it. I sometimes feel like that too. I want to soak up all the fun and the sun that I can.

I like the way we live life at the beach. No rules, no schedules and sometimes….no pants (just Will, I promise). No clocks. No calendars. You couldn’t pay me to check my email. One day we got ice cream at 10 am because we felt like it. I think I forgot about it later and he had it again for dessert. Oops. YOLO, right?

Every single day here was super hot and humid, which is my dream weather and my husband’s nightmare. He’s had enough humidity growing up in Louisiana. But as usual he was a good sport and sat under the cabana (after setting it up with chairs for all of us) with his big headphones listening to dorky dad podcasts. At least he didn’t wear socks on the beach. And no velcro sandals. Yet. The girls were basically like mermaids and lived in the waves for the whole week, coming out only for açaí bowls and donuts bedazzled with bacon and sprinkles. It’s a charmed life to be 14. They also taught me a new phrase: “that’s so aesthetic.” I don’t know quite what that means, but my blue one piece swimsuit and chipped manicure probably is not it. My aesthetic vibe is over 40 suburban mom/stepmom, in cute-ish athleisure wear, but with a coffee and or yogurt stain on it. I’m like 75% put together.

So clearly, I love the beach, but I was a little worried now that Will is almost 4, he might get bored or hot and want to leave. The first day had me a little worried. He started out pretty timid and disinterested in the water, but by day 2 he was trying to surf with a boogie board and hanging with the older dudes trying to throw the ball back and forth. By the last day, he was begging to “go out far” where Beau and the girls were. Definitely not ready for that! A couple of times he got knocked down by a small wave, but he got right back up. I love this kid for that. He has so much innate resilience, despite also being very sensitive. Just like me. Strong, but we cry when we need to.

We didn’t do anything fancy for my birthday dinner tonight which is exactly how I wanted it. It’s our last night here and everyone’s tank is a little empty (except Will who is running on fumes and applesauce). For the first time in many years of birthdays, we stayed in! Beau got his usual pizza, I had some sushi, and we all sat around outside on the pool patio laughing and joking. The food was ok. All that really matters is we were together. That is what I’ll remember. 6 years ago, I wouldn’t have been the kind of stepmom to galavant up and down Coastal highway in search of a stupid chicken quesadilla, but we have all come a very long way. I think Will brings out the best in us all. Maybe I do want to spoil our kids just a little bit after all. They are such good kids.

Who needs birthday cake when you can go to “A-la-cone”, an ice cream/waffle store that no one has ever heard of and has zero customers in the store (red flag)? Ok…it was actually pretty good!! I let the girls pick the treat for tonight because I already had my Kohr brothers and I can’t enjoy any other dessert the same way until next year. Nothing, absolutely nothing, tops Kohr Bros frozen custard (no, it’s not called ice cream) in the summer. Peanut butter and rainbow sprinkles. Always a cup, never a cone. Share it with no one. Savor every morsel. Instagram it. But don’t you dare compare it to Rita’s.

We’re headed home tomorrow, turning back to into pumpkins…but more red in color than orange. I always get sad when we leave, and I hope one day I get to call the beach HOME. But for now, this last week of July is always the best week of the year. Just like Kohr brothers, maybe it’s only so special and exciting because it’s something I have to wait all year for. If I lived here, I know I would love it, but some of the beach-magic would become ordinary after a while. Ordinary isn’t a bad thing.

Whenever I’m at the beach, I always do a lot of thinking. I’ve learned so much about myself the past few years. Most importantly, I’m working on living authentically and unapologetically. It sounds silly, but I used to downplay so many things that I love (beach, dogs, country music) around people who dislike them. Some people think Ocean City is cheesy. I consider it part of the charm. I love seafood, sunshine, sand and places that allow dogs. All those things are here! And the people watching is awesome.

It’s been a long hotttttt week. In a perfect world, I’d take a break and go home for a few days to recharge. Then I would come right back for another week or two. Maybe a month I could sit under an umbrella every single day and read my books. If I could also have my dogs here, I’d be set for life. Give me some steamed shrimp and a crab cake ….no wait that’s too messy on the beach, but you know what I mean.

We all have a happy place and if you’re lucky it’s somewhere you can go often with people you love. I am the best, most relaxed, happiest, most authentic version of myself when I am at the beach. I’ve been to some amazing beaches in Bali, Barcelona, Jamaica, Cabo San Lucas, Cancun, the Caribbean, Florida, California, Puerto Rico, etc. But, I like it HERE best of all. Maybe one day a different beach will steal my heart. I’m open to new adventures and maybe even new places for frozen custard. I love my traditions, but I can see myself embracing new ones

Turning 41 isn’t a milestone, but it felt pretty special for me. It’s just an ordinary number, marking another trip around the sun. Another year of good health for all of us. I loved all of today, even the parts where I folded laundry and put away dishes. Even chores are more fun at the beach.

Tomorrow another family will arrive to “our” condo and begin their beach week. Our pile of flip flops by the door will be gone. Our towels will no longer drape over the kitchen and balcony chairs to dry. The pound of sand we tracked back and forth will be vacuumed away. But some things will remain. The sun. The waves. Even the frozen custard. They will be waiting for me this time next year. I will be back again to ring in 42, a little older and wiser, ready to do it all over again.