Change is inevitable. It’s a fact of life.

But that doesn’t mean it is not sometimes terrifying and difficult to face.

I am in the middle of some big changes as my youngest son nears high school graduation and prepares to leave for college. I am back and forth between feeling fine and this odd panicky feeling. I know my life is going to change so much in the upcoming months. All of our lives are going to change.

It’s that time of year again. We’ve been through it before in my house and here we are again now with my youngest son. The time college acceptance letters start to arrive and the huge decision is made.

My son spent most of his senior year of high school varsity soccer career sitting on the bench. It was really hard to watch, it hurt my mom heart.

School started on Monday and my youngest son began his senior year of high school.  Even typing that out I can’t believe this is where we are in life.

And Ferris Bueller’s statement continues to ring true “Life moves pretty fast.  If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

I believe this is likely going to be an unpopular opinion as I have seen the crazy popularity in our community for club sports, but I’m going to share it anyway.

We don’t do club sports in our house.

People keep telling me that boys are just...different. I finally realized what that means. Last week, my adorable, happy-go-lucky, sweet, little 19 month-old took his plastic baseball bat and cracked our flat screen tv. And then he laughed at me

My son pointed out that almost all the texts I sent him the first week he was home from school were questions about his plans.

Uh, oh I became THAT mom without even meaning to!

I walk into the house and every single kitchen cabinet is open. There are bags of chips strewn on the floor and all of the tennis shoes are piled up under the table. Smashed goldfish are ground up into the grout of my kitchen tile. A toy is blasting the Baby Shark song on repeat. What the hell is going on?

This is what my house looks like on any given day now that we have a 17 month old who is walking and running full speed through the house. I was not prepared for this.

The past few weeks of my life have been an absolute shit show in every sense of the word.

It’s funny how stressful events come in clusters. All of a sudden and all at once, things in our household and our professional lives got extremely busy. Several unexpected events happened which have left me exhausted, depleted and otherwise looking and feeling like a bus hit me, backed up, and then hit me again.

While I would have loved a healthy, productive coparenting relationship, sometimes we are forced to make the best of our given situation. One of my favorite quotes is “you cannot control other people’s actions; you can only control your own reactions.”. Living this is not always easy, but I try every day and looking at my boys, I think I have been pretty successful.

We had a big milestone in our house recently. My youngest son got his driver’s license. This has opened up so much for him, but also makes this mama’s heart ache and worry.

It is another step away from home. It’s another step towards growing up.

Of all the titles and roles that I fill in my life, there is no title greater than Mom. But at the same time, there is nothing that makes me more annoyed than the wholly inaccurate assumption that because I am the mom, I am the primary parent. The one who handles ALL THE THINGS. I am only half of this parenting partnership and I have insisted from the minute Will was born that it be equal

I don’t like the word day care.

I picture a line of cribs with babies standing up crying and the whole place smells like dirty diapers. I prefer to call the place where we take my child from 8:30- 5:00 every day school. Kids belong in school, right? It’s a natural part of life.

I find it lessens the mom guilt to think of him as being at school.

My youngest son is a junior in high school. For those of you who have been through the process you already know we are entering the long and stressful college application time period.

It seems crazy that the process starts so early when he is still only a junior, but there is research, and SAT’s, and college visits to fit in. Not to mention the applications, essays, and short answer questions to finish before next November rolls around. And don’t forget FAFSA, financial aid forms, and scholarship applications and essays. The checklist is long!

I have a one year old!

Oh. Em. Gee.

This time last year I had a one-week-old little squishy raisin who looked like ET in need of a good exfoliator. As the cliché goes, time really does fly. I have learned so much this past year and grown in so many ways. I think motherhood suits me well. Here is a look back and some of what I experienced this year and what it taught me.

Before I got married, had a stepchild and a baby, I used to feel energized at the end of the work day. My only responsibility was getting to my 5:30 PM spin class and figuring out what to make for dinner. I could eat cereal if I wanted. I could watch 3 hours of uninterrupted mindless tv. Fast forward to the present. 5:30 PM is now what I call The Witching Hour. It is when I feel like everything is pure chaos at my home.

My oldest son is home for his winter break from college. He’s a sophomore at University of Maryland so not too far from home. This allows for a few visits for parent’s weekend and sporting events, plus a whole week for Thanksgiving.

His break is a full month, but it still doesn’t feel like enough.

We’re just a couple days away from Christmas and this is a really special one because it’s my son’s first Christmas. This time last year I was extremely pregnant People told me, “next year is going to be so incredible!” To a certain degree they are right. It is the most wonderful time of year, but at the same time, my 11 month-old does not have a clue about Christmas and for that reason, I (we) did not go crazy buying him everything under the sun.

Traditions are such a big part of what makes each family unique. They are so fun to create when kids are little, but I admit when my kids were little I went a bit overboard with the traditions.

Ok, maybe WAY overboard on the traditions.

My husband, his daughter and I flew with my 10 month-old baby to Louisiana the day before Thanksgiving. The busiest travel day of the year or so I am told. If that isn’t daunting enough, we didn’t check any bags and we didn’t pack a stroller.